The Mentor’s Dilemma. Urie Bronfenbrenner, a founder of the Head Start program and developmental psychologist, who urged that “Every child needs at least one adult who its irrationally crazy about him or her.”
That may well be necessary, but it is not sufficient, for it is in the intangibles of the mentor-mentee relationship that can be the difference between success and failure.
The mentee sees right through when a mentor offers bland praise. This is what some call the “soft bigotry of low expectations.” Feedback must be delivered in a way that is constructive.
These dynamics are best captured in what Geoff Cohen, a social psychologist at Stanford, calls “the mentor’s dilemma”—the need to hold the mentee to high standards yet at the same time communicating that the mentee is capable of rising to the occasion.
This kind of mentoring -- whatever form it takes -- is more art than science.
That may well be necessary, but it is not sufficient, for it is in the intangibles of the mentor-mentee relationship that can be the difference between success and failure.
- Trust must be earned, and that can take months.
- Confidence must be established, and that must be authentic.
- Expectations must be delivered with sensitivity and compassion.
The mentee sees right through when a mentor offers bland praise. This is what some call the “soft bigotry of low expectations.” Feedback must be delivered in a way that is constructive.
These dynamics are best captured in what Geoff Cohen, a social psychologist at Stanford, calls “the mentor’s dilemma”—the need to hold the mentee to high standards yet at the same time communicating that the mentee is capable of rising to the occasion.
This kind of mentoring -- whatever form it takes -- is more art than science.